One of the cornerstones of Jordanian society and culture, a Jaha ( J as in Judge), is broadly a word that means a congress of important men. The word itself developed significant connotations within the social norms of Jordan, now it has several important functions in weddings, times of trouble between two families or tribes, and more generally, social gatherings.
In this entry I will only talk about the role of a Jaha in weddings. Seeing as the form of our Jordanian society is essentially and deeply tribal, Jaha holds a certain number, preferably large, of men that enjoy a particular importance in their tribes. Those include the Sheikh, or head, of the tribe, and mostly old men of power.
Before a wedding takes place, there are fixed steps that need to be followed to ensure things go in harmony with traditions and customs. The women of the grooms and the brides families arrange the details of the engagement, and then the Jaha plays its role in making the off-scene arrangements official and public.
It is the duty of the brides family to receive the Jaha of the grooms family or tribe. The Jaha is headed by the most influential man available in the tribe or at that time, and it proceeds to the location of the brides family. Once the men are seated, it is customary of the brides family to offer them, as part of the rites of hospitality, Arabic coffee served in little traditional cups. What happens next is most interesting: the leaders of the Jaha takes his cup but puts it down without drinking it, to signal that something is the matter.
Then the leader speaks up and address the brides family, who would be presented by similar men of importance of the brides relatives, and tells them that the Jaha will not accept their hospitality unless their demand is met. This is of course a cliché, it is a traditional play staged with utmost seriousness and handled very carefully. On the other side, the head of the brides family asks what the Jahas demand is, and the leader of the Jaha announces that they have come to ask for the hand of a certain girl, and he names her, for a certain man.
The symbol of the brides tribe naturally consents and asks the Jaha to proceed to drinking their coffee, to mark mutual agreement. After this beautiful action and reaction, the modern Jaha is offered Arabic sweets, mainly Knafeh, and chocolates and other delights.
I should also add that, the larger the tribe of the groom, the larger the Jaha would normally be. The number of men contained in the Jaha is crucial, if its handsome this means the grooms tribe is more powerful. The Jaha is usually treated to a wholesome lunch before heading to the brides tribes premises, and this lunch features the traditional Jordanian dish Mansaf. I will post a picture of Mansaf in tomorrows entry, hopefully.
It is fascinating to see the integration of old customs in todays modern life in Jordan. I have never heard of a wedding that was settled without a Jaha, despite the obvious façade-like duty it has. It still connects the old with the new, and recalls to minds the traditions and culture of this great country.
Brilliant post. the problem is that there are two worlds now. With Amman in the picture there are newer ways of getting married.
What you described is the traditional Jordanian way which is usually associated with Jordanian families and tribes. Very rarely have I seen it happen in Amman unless it’s a miniture like play staged in an upscale apartment with 20 people max.
Most of the weddings I’ve been to were like you described, and most of them were from my own relatives or far relatives.
But really, a great post.
Well Nas, my adiga relatives also have Jaha. My mother says it is original in their culture and not taken from Jordanians, the concept I mean.
I live in Amman, and I have seen very large Jaha’s. I’m talking 60+ men of each tribe, the bride’s and the groom’s. I love seeing Jaha, it gives me such a warm feeling. All these men gathered to ask for a girl’s hand, it is really splendid.
You are right, some of these nice traditions are fading. I am just glad they are not being wiped out in my family!
Hi Tololy, thanks for going through the details of this. I personally, though from Jordan, haven’t had the chance in my life to witness many Jaha’s let alone just wedding parties (it’s starting to happen though :D).
I think what Nas said is true, not all families in Jordan go by the book when it comes to Jaha’s. I’ve been to a jaha were lunch wasn’t served, the jaha just arrived in the afternoon and went on with some 7alawan at the end.
Also, sometimes the jaha doesn’t only include tribe or family members, many times it includes friends, and sometimes the main person speaking is actually not related by blood to the man or the bride-to-be. There is this trend in Amman too where people try to get well known politicians and royal figures to be on their side in the jaha. It actually almost escalates into a competition of which side is going to have the more valuable person on their side. People will start asking who will be there from the other side.
You said you are part Circassian (me too :D), it would be interesting to know what you think about “kha6ef”. It is almost non-existent in our society today, except for families sometimes doing it just for the fun of it (ie. everything is already set up and everyone knows that it’s gonna happen), although there have also been cases of real “kha6ef” in Jordan.
Hello Hamzeh N., Welcome to my Box!
What you note is very true, it doesn’t always happen by the book. Not always do people serve lunch and observe proper traditions. I tried in my entry to record the ways I have seen Jaha through personal experience.
Many a time does a Jaha feature friends and acquaintences, that is also correct. You make perfect sense, I must’ve missed that bit! Thank you for reminding me of it. It’s also correct that people tend to compete in bringing the best Jaha, they try to get prominent figures and what not, I do not think that is wrong per se but it shouldn’t be stressed to an excess. Perhaps it’s because the more influential characters in the Jaha, the better it will reflect an image of the groom’s/bride’s families.
I wrote about Khteefeh in my first Adiga Xabza entry back in September. I think it’s a very interesting costum,what do you think of it?
lol, it seems you’ve already gone through a lengthy post about that before, didn’t know that :p
I personally think it’s cool as long as the man’s family can accurately measure whether the girl’s family will eventually say yes or whether they will say no and whether any yes’es that they hear from the girl’s family constitute enough weight to be called representative of the girl’s family. If it is almost certain that the girl’s family will still say no, I think it would be very wrong, disrespectful, and sometimes even low for the man’s family to go ahead with the kha6ef.
It’s also important to know that there are Circassian families out there who are willing to break some of the most important rules of this tradition, like having the guy and girl meet during the period of kha6ef and even have the girl hosted at a young couple’s house. This should be a big “No”.
But again, this doesn’t happen very often anymore. It only happens when people from both families decide that they want to live through the experience and they’ll do it and the girls’ parents in most cases wouldn’t even be in disagreement with the arrangement. Even when there’s some disagreement, it usually is when the father is just hesitant to give his daughter away (a thing that most fathers in Jordan will say is not easy to do), and they just use the kha6ef as a way of telling him “yalla 3ad khalle9na el benet 9ar 3omorha tes3een saneh” :D
Finally, just to reiterate my opinion of it, the girl and the guy’s family must know whether there will be a fall out between the girl and her family, if there will be, they should not go through with it. It’s not noble for people in our societies to willingly take a girl who won’t have her family’s backing.
” All these men gathered to ask for a girl’s hand, it is really splendid. ”
Why?
if you ask me, a marriage need only two heads; and if you are a religious person you might need an extra head for the priest – for 10 minuits of time!
tololy, that’s possible. I mean I’ve been to a lot of jahas. West Amman seems to have a totally different way of doing things though. In most cases here the jaha is much different.
Circassian’s I think have taken this process from Jordanians since they came to the region. I don’t know if that’s true though. Our neighbours are Circassian and good friends of the family so this information comes by way of the father :-D
Also Circassians are for some reason better at keeping customs regardless of where they live or their living standards. Better comparitvely.
what is the permalink for this post by the way?
nice entry …
iam gana talk about a circassian jaha …. when a jaha went to the bride house … the father and the grandfather, and the groom will not go with the jaha to the bride`s house …
and another thing … that when a jaha went to the bride house … the groom`s family take the ” tadyeef ” proccess … which must be appleid by the bride family …
and about 7`a6efeh …. its so nice really …. its something nice when you apply some tradetions within the 7`a6efeh :)
Interesting to find this here
With the mixing of old and new 6olbat jahaat 3a6waat…our traditions will soon become plays and nothing more.
Traditionally though the main people in the jaha are significant throughout the marriage of the couple, they are there for guidance and would get involved in any domestic problems, if a domestic problem is ever to leave the house it would go first to the Mokhtar who is usually the head of the Jaha.
One thing Ive noticed in some recent weddings as the older men die or are sadly cast away, people have been messing up the coffee scenario tradition by using it AGAIN on the wedding day.On the wedding day the Jaha comes and asks for their Amaneh, their bride, who was previously given away to Jahet el 6olbeh. The head of the grooms Jaha expresses how honored they are with their new Nasab and how the bride will be cherished and become their own daughter, and the head of the brides Jaha gives his own speech Ive heard nice ones along the lines of how they give away a treasured daughter for their new nasab
I love how all details of the marriage tradition are tied together in the songs on the wedding day.
The jaha of women are as important on the wedding day to time the zaghareet and make the grand entrance to where the bride is singing ???? ????? ????? ?? ???? ??? ??? ??????? ????? ????…… getting the bride out of the house with ???? ????? ???? ????? ?? ???? ..????? ?????? ???? ????? ????? (it references 3abayet el khal wil 3am tradition .and existing with ???? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ??? ?????? ???? ???? and yekhlef 3alaikoo kathar allah khaaaaairkoooo :D
Hi,
I am not sure if the “jaha” is the equivelant to the grooms family going to the brides family to ask for her hand in marriage, which is what we do in Syria. Though, I am pretty sure that we do not have 60 people from each family. Thats 120 people!! wow! And we defenitely do not try to get prominent figures. It is usually the immediate family only.
I also read the Adiga Xabza post and I hope you do not mind me commenting on that here. I find it fascinating,ironic, and even sad that it is called “khteefeh”. Facsinating because it is way to go around the opposition. Ironic because everyone knows that it is going to happen. Sad because such things are staged in the name of tradition and to “preserve the honor”. I am all for keeping our traditions, but some parts of it are clearly outdated, at least to me. I hope I made some sense. I have a question: what if it is the grooms family that opposes? Can the bride “tokhtof” (kidnap) the groom?
I have heard of “khteefeh” in Syria, but I have only heard of it in cases when a muslim guy wants to marry a christian girl. I find it very sad that this is looked down upon.
Thank you
Devil’s Mind, I personally find it very very nice to see, or to receive, a big Jaha. It somehow reconnects me with my roots, seeing the old men who symbolize my culture and my family coming to give me away, and seeing a number of other old men from another family coming to ask for my hand. I cannot explain this further, but this is what a Jaha means to me: family and traditions.
Nas, wallahi the permalink thing is sort of jammed nowadays. But have no fears, we’re working on fixing that. I apologize for the inconvenience.
Zaid Dodokh, my friend, thank you for your input. We should compose an entry about Circassian Jaha soon, to compare it with the Jordanian version. That should be informative, don’t you think?
Samra, hello and welcome to Tololy’s Box. I value your comment greatly, you mentioned the songs I love to hear. I must dedicate an entry for those but I do not memorize them. I would always appreciate any help in this regard.
Again, welcome to my Box and enjoy your stay.
Hello Hattori Hanzo san, I do not have a clear answer for your question “what if it is the groom’s family that opposes the wedding?”. But as far as I know, a girl cannot “tokhtof” a man. It doesn’t work that way according to my information. Perhaps some readers would comment on that and would provide a more significant answer than mine, I would be much obliged for the help.
Reminder, Hattori Hanzo is asking about “Khteefeh” in the Circassian culture. In Jordanian traditions this custom is not familiar.
Toloy,
Wanted to let you know that many Jordanians who live in America still up hold this wonderful tradition. I and my siblings were born and raised in Los Angeles, and growing up going to cousisn weddings and all, i witnessed this wonderful tradition.
As well, when my sister got married, we had a jaha, a big one which was so very nice.
Tololy …. ok nice idea ….
i`ll get the details from my father … and send them to you …. or maybe i`ll post them in my blog ….
anyway … iam going now to na3oor to get some documents about circassians from on of my relatives … i`ll post most of them in my blog ….
most of them are about tradetions
Usually I love anything traditional, however Jaha’s in modern Amman have very little to do with tradition, in my experience at least.
There were two things I didn’t like in particular, firstly there is a very high level of showvanism in the whole thing, there is too much of ours should be bigger, more impressive that so and so.
The other part is practical, i went to one last summer (my cousins I am ashamed to say!) and I guess there were 300+, it was so pointless the thing was all over before everyone finished shaking hands.
So if someone wanted to have one, I suggest they adhere to the tradition and only have a few men 20 max 10 would even be better.
The whole thing about the bigger the Jaha the better is a ridiculous new invention, in the good old days, all you needed was a few wajihs and the idea was that this will show the brides family the groom is from a respected family and at worst he will not dare mistreat their daughter cause that will put these good men in bad light and he has a responsibly to them now,( ok this is very much an over simplification but I think the idea is clear.)
And pardon the rant.
Thankfully, I got married without any kind of “Jaha”. I simply represented myself and went to vist my wife’s father. Before that, my family (as in my father and mother) did get acquainted with my wife’s family (as in her father and mother).
This whole overt connection between a person and his ‘tribe’s elders’ or ’society’s elders’ just sounds stifling to me.
[...] I’ve been reading with some great interest the latest entries over at Tololy’s Box on some of the most facinating aspects of our Jordanian culture and traditions. (you should give them a read) [...]
I’ve only been to one in my life, it was boring like any other family obligation I guess. But I’ve always wondered what would happen if let’s say the other party (the future bride’s side) rejects the groom’s side? Inno would they disappoint all that crowd of people? Or would the groom’s party only gather a Jaha only when they’ve been granted the bride’s consent?
<p>I’ve been to three in Jordan, including one in Amman and one in a small village somewhere west of Irbid. I must say that having a former PM lead the Jaha in Amman was interesting. It was very big production, well organized and extremely coordinated. But I must say it was quick and to the point…and those who came a few minutes late missed and only got to enjoy the pastries. The smaller one, was very traditional and involved lots of the elders dressed in robes. Very interesting and a big difference than getting down on one knee :-)</p>
<p>I think for the most part everything is already agreed upon and the jaha is just for tradition. I personally don’t see the need for one….and I would rather just throw a dinner party for immediate family only.</p>
<p>Has anyone every heard of a refusal to "give" the daughter away? I’d be interested in hearing about those.</p>