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Archive for August 2007

Rites of Passage

In Personal on August 30, 2007 at 10:44 pm

There comes a time in each person’s life where they feel compelled to be authentic. It’s a time of great distress and hardship, a period that demands enormous strength and an ability to prioritize, and it’s also a time of intense mental activity and very often ritualistic rebellion.

While rites of passage are more established as rituals than individual standards of personal expression, the latter still qualify as true rites of passage, at least in my opinion. They’re gateways to true identity, original and creative intellect, and liberation.

I am at that point in life where I am intolerable by friend or foe, unless they’re mental.

My life as I’ve known it for the past 23 years is about to change forever. I have become robotic in crossing out life goals and ambitions, and I am bringing down walls of resistance one by one with such violence that I never thought myself capable of. I am transforming into the person I should have been years ago, the person I always knew I was.

Excuse me if I sound too cryptic, but until I have completely broken free from the shackles that bind me to polite mystery, I cannot expose the details of this ongoing revolution. The bastards have put me on mute.

I will be blogging at whim from now on. I got very little that is appropriate to say to you and I am too occupied staging a coup d’etat that will overthrow the mindless, the religious, and the sexist. If that includes you, run like the wind.

No More Being Shy of Your Manhood

In Bits & pieces, Opinion on August 28, 2007 at 7:03 am

It fascinates me how very extremely sexual the spam I receive has become. I always get emails asking me to “be better endowed” and revealing that “yes, size does matter” and that “she will never have enough of you.” Then they follow that the only way to be a healthy functional “man” is to purchase some penile performance enhancement drugs manufactured by a number of abused topless men in a sweatshop in Malaysia.

Who told these people I was a man anyway? I am fed up with receiving these types of messages on a daily basis, although I don’t even have to deal with them as they immediately get trashed in my spam folder. Still, it is disturbing to think that, in an age where spam has stood its ground (and more) and has become so intelligent as to bypass detectors, it still cannot detect the gender of its targets.

I mean gender is pretty obvious, yeah? It’s easy to judge who’s a man and who’s a woman, also who’s not man or woman but something in between. If it is so, then why can’t spam do that? Isn’t spam the Microbe of The Century, so invincibly intelligent it has magical access to all our emails and blogs and mail boxes?

Another point I am intrigued by in these sexual spam messages is the emphasis on “manhood” being almost entirely limited to one’s size. They also tend to emphasize that whoever has the Magical Pill will never, ever, have any relationship problems. It really must be magical because some people consider a relationship to be more than a prolonged erection that just won’t go away unless you see your doctor about it.

But when I think of it, if a certain percentage of spam messages did not achieve success, spam would not still be alive today. It makes me wonder really, who would buy a drug off their Spam folder from a message titled “No more being shy of your manhood” and sent by Lisa XxX?

Seriously, who?

Atheists, Secularists, Liberals, Darwinists

In Salon on August 27, 2007 at 2:02 pm

420

I’ll share my mind but first, what do you think?

Poll for Readers

In Metablog on August 26, 2007 at 2:44 am

Hello,

I’m interested in knowing just how much you rely on feed readers in accessing my posts, so I would appreciate your cooperation in doing the following poll.

Update: Thanks to everyone who took part in this simple poll. Here are the results:

I read Tololy’s Box through a feed reader

No 62.1% 18

Yes 37.9% 11

total votes: 29

Since most of you who have participated do not read my blog through a feed reader, I will spare no effort in trying to make it load faster for your convenience. And thanks to you who have subscribed to my feed, hope it tastes good.

Illusive Dreams

In Life on August 25, 2007 at 5:26 am

At around four AM the other night, I saw a gigantic tarantula hiding behind the bathroom door. I panicked, as is my natural reaction upon the sight or proximity of an enemy insect, and I escaped the scene.

I told you I am seeing strange things.

I ran to the kitchen with outrageous amounts of adrenaline pumping through my body. I stood behind the kitchen table, thinking of what I should do. I would normally scream someone’s name and they would come to deal with the intruder, but this time I was all alone and everyone was sleeping. I was, so to speak, the protagonist.

Almost losing control over my scared bladder, I figured I should do something about the ugly bastard lurking in the bathroom. Serving it “death by shoe” was simply out of the question because it would require me to deliver the fatal blow from a short range, and I was not about to risk another panic attack for the sake of heroism. Thus I became, at this point, the anti hero.

I searched in the kitchen cabinets for something that could function as a swift, long-range killing machine. I could only find spray starch — no slingshots, no Raid, nothing. I did not know what effect spray starch would have on the creature, and I wondered if it would blind it into going in frantic circles until its legs dropped off — at which point I would definitely have a panic attack and die on the spot while everyone dreamed of pink tigers and killer ducks.

I wasn’t entirely clear on what spray starch was, either. Therefore, I opted not to use it and to abort the whole task. I then went straight to my mother and I woke her up complaining that there was a big spider in the bathroom and I could not kill it. My mother is impressively smart and brave around insects. She treats them like they’re worthless shits and even goes so far as to killing them with her bare hands. This disgusts me slightly, but who am I to stand in the way of a swift, short-range killing machine?

My mother got up and went to kill the insect, and she would’ve if she could find it. Nobody else but me ever saw that tarantula and I wonder where something that big could hide in a closed space like a house. It is hairy, disgusting, and huge — not camouflage material at all.

My best guess is that the sneaky tarantula was a figment of my imagination, the child of my insomnia and loss of appetite. It’s either that or Spider Evil dances on everyone’s faces while they sleep every night, going in frantic circles until its legs drop off. Jetlagged and insane.

Take this account, for instance. I would never have thought that the story above is worthy of development, let alone publication, if I weren’t in a unique state of mind like I am now. I have given up on my biological clock that seems to have no shame or morals, and I started gobbling up cough medicine. The twist here is that, contrary to normal behavior, I specifically look for cough medicine with warnings like “Do not operate heavy machinery after taking this drug.” I want the otherwise unwanted side effects. Do not operate heavy machinery? My laptop weighs around 2.5kg.

There goes the tarantula…

Update: It seems as though no cough medicine will do the ungodly work of putting this hallucinating soul to sleep. Therefore, I opted to watch one of my favorite movies of all time: Dracula. The movie is a fraction of the novel, which is simply exquisite. Get to reading it as soon as possible. It is by Bram Stoker who, ironically, loved the same girl as Oscar Wilde. Two of the greatest creators could not be innovative enough to have dissimilar lusts — isn’t that the definition of absurd?

Onward to insane darkness!

Postmortem Blues

In Life on August 23, 2007 at 3:04 am

“The emigrant’s destiny: The foreign country has not become home, but home has become foreign.”

–Alfred Polger (d. 1955), Der Emigrant und die Heimat

Via euroarabe

I am so jetlagged I could cry. I couldn’t even show up for work today because I didn’t sleep at all last night and my system shut down at 7:15 AM. The problem is that this has been going on for longer than it should. I have been sleeping during the day and functioning during the night for several days now and it’s irritating me to madness. I am seeing pink tigers and killer ducks.

I never knew how solemnly lonesome the relaxed nighttime/early morning is. Now I know, and I want to forget all about it.

A Forbidden Anticlimax

In Explorator, Literature on August 17, 2007 at 12:04 am

- Zero Or Prologue -

The following is not a poem or a play, it’s not a song or a prayer. It is my thoughts organized in short lines atop of each other, and grouped in knots of four.

- I -

Take off the judge robes, or keep them on
I am not excited that I’m going home
Perhaps it’s work, or school, maybe
Or a society that keeps a close eye on me

- III -

I am a traitor
Or too cocky and crooked
For not missing a place
And finding comfort elsewhere

- III -

Luckily, I don’t see things that way
Where I lay my head is home
What is left of Jordan,
Anyway?

For a Few Dollars More

In Explorator on August 14, 2007 at 3:40 pm

Money equals status, it equals independence, it equals evil, and it equals lots and lots of shopping. I have just returned from a 90-minute shopping trip during which I entered two stores and emerged armed with two peep toe pumps, black stilettos, sneakers, a short Victorian jacket and one yellow trench coat.

I went through the last dollars I had on me. Technically speaking, I can now beg for money and be absolutely honest about it. I cannot say “God bless you” by the end of the affair though, so I will have to come up with something of equal spiritual value to reward the generous. How about “I will send you positive vibes”?

In the stores today, I felt as if someone had taken off some invisible leash that had me bound to the couch during the past two days. I was, and still am, physically sapped after the trips to Toronto and Washington DC. During these trips I did not get any time to rest and I was living out of a bag, which is not nearly as romantic as it sounds. Consequently, I was drained to such a degree that I alternated between the couch and the bed for my birthday party yesterday.

To sum it all up, I am exhausted, bankrupt, and going home in three days. I am unsure what I should be feeling but thankfully, the forbidden fruits I just bought are my consolation.

The Age of Innocence

In Personal on August 12, 2007 at 10:35 am

This is me a long, long time ago. This was back when I drank abnormal quantities of water and caught lizards for fun. I also had a crush on one of my nonidentical triplet friends.

1.jpg

I’m not a kids’ person. I don’t like their brattyness and their poo, and I don’t like it when girls/women/men fake interest in their cuteness in shopping malls and during family events. I hate the stupid little sounds everyone makes at the sight of a child. To me, it’s exactly like in the Bible when the faithful handled snakes and spoke in tongues. Goo gaaa yoor so cyoooot!

So why am I posting a picture of myself as a child?
To see if I have grown any taller, which I have, thank Heavens.

Tomorrow, August 13th, is my birthday.

Older people always complain that their lives passed so quickly. I always feel that is a sign of greed, that they had their time and simply want to have some more out of greed and selfishness. But it is accurate in a way to say that our lives pass so quickly when we’re not equipped with a proper definition of life or an understanding of what it really is.

Life is more mundane and less glamorous than we imagine. It’s the three different hairdos you had so far, your family members, the x number of shits you will take before you die, your oscillating opinions, among other things. This means that everyone has plenty of life, just enough life to stay alive. Not everyone appreciates that though and when they get to a point where they cannot comb their own hair or defecate on their own, or think much, they realize it.

I love that I can do all of these things on my own, and I don’t want that to ever go away.
So I resolved to move to the Netherlands when I’m 50.
Euthanasia is legal over there.
Pot as well.

Dramatic little poems aside, I am thrilled to be alive. I feel very honored to have been selected out of millions of sperm and egg cells, to have been chanced to live.

Walking DC

In Explorator on August 10, 2007 at 10:22 pm

You know how people always say that they “can’t feel their legs” when they’re really tired? That is total inaccurate rubbish because the only time you can feel your legs is when you’re very tired. Today I got to feel a lot, knee down, and my legs have disowned me so now my ears and my legs have a different last name.

I spent the day walking and I never knew I could walk this much. I never knew I liked documenting my life this much. You see, I go places to take pictures to document that I was in these places. I don’t even pay attention to where I am or look and admire the places I go to; I just take pictures. I go home and look at the pictures and go Ahh, SWEET! and Look! Two people making out! . I am miserable this way because I don’t understand time and so I don’t believe what’s going on around me until it has passed already. You probably have more issues than I do though, because you’re reading about mine and enjoying it.

Got a screw in my head,
Diddy diddy diddy
– dead.

The weather today was very hot. It was also very humid because of all the sweat and other bodily liquids trapped in the air. I went to the National Museum of Air & Space and to the National Museum of Natural History. Those are the two museums I wanted to go to and had the time to visit. Although I did want to go to some woman-related museums in the area, but there was no time for that.

My tour inside the two museums was very exciting and informative. I’ve always wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History, ever since I was a nerdy kid reading encyclopedias for fun, so it was a great dream come true to be there for real. A Night at The Museum was a bad movie though and anyone who thinks otherwise has an infertile imagination crossed with no sense of humor. I only watched it because the alternative was a contemporary Egyptian “comedy” which is polite for “nonsense.”

After the museums, I went to the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, Reflecting Pool, WW I Memorial, WW II Memorial, Korean War Veterans Memorial, Vietnam Veterans Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, and the Smithsonian Castle. I passed by the Pentagon and Arlington National Cemetery, and also by many federal buildings while moving within or around the National Mall. As usual, you can see pictures of everything I saw today in my Picasa – Washington DC album.

I walked to and from all these places, if you can imagine that. It was exhausting to walk that much in the heat. And to make things worse, my ankle-length sock slipped down my shoe and my shoe cut my foot and my foot hurt really bad throughout the final part of the day. I kept walking funny like I needed to go to the restroom. Do you know how embarrassing it is to cross the street looking like you want to take a leak by the nearest tree, doggy-style, when you really are in so much pain you don’t even care how embarrassed you are?

Pretty embarrassing. And painful.

This is the third time one of my feet gets cut on the back of the ankle during my stay in the states, do you think it’s a sign? If so, what is it a sign of? What are my feet, socks, or shoes trying to tell me?

Any of a number of things:

1- Go footnude forever.
2- Buy new socks.
3- Go back to Jordan.
4- Blank (readers’ input).

What do you think it is?

DC Stream of Consciousness

In Explorator on August 10, 2007 at 1:30 am

Why do people always say that Washington DC is crazy expensive? It’s not! From what I’ve noticed, NYC is a lot more expensive (add to that the non-smiling, detached people and you get a really bitter package,) and by comparison, DC people are a really pleasant lot.

Sure I’m not here to shop because what am I going to buy from DC anyway?, but souvenirs for instance are so much cheaper than in NYC. Discovering that made me very happy. Also, all sightseeing is basically for free unless I want to go to some fancy shmancy places, which I don’t. And even if I wanted to, Bush will pay for it. Now you guess which Bush will.

Sorry — had to say that.

DC means a lot to me because I passed my American Politics class with great difficulty. Not because I am dumb or anything, mind you, but because the class was taught by a microbe, or a bunch of microbes taking the shape of a person. And speaking of metaphors, I am a camel of sorts. I hold grudges, yes I’m imperfect like that, and I use sarcasm on my enemies. Off-topic now, am I not?

Where was I?

Ah, Washington, DC. It’s a clean, neat, peaceful little place that a lot of homeless people and politicians call home. What do homeless people and politicians have in common, you ask. They’re both people, obviously, and they both represent deeply-rooted socially glorified dysfunctions like alcoholicism and lies. God bless you, that’s what they both say when you give them money, then they turn around and grab the next pocket and you feel all happy inside because you supported some cause of some sort: elimination of poverty, public education, the terrorist war on terrorism…

DC is full of African-American people. It’s also full of people who like to run around that stinking water body with loads of ducks in front of the Grant Memorial. Today I saw a herd of 30 guys and girls running around half naked and going in circles around that pool. Their bodies looked perfect to me. I just think they were high on duck fart.

What a strange post this is! This is like my stream of consciousness, this is how I like to write. The reason for the “particular nature” of this post is that I am currently reading Craig Ferguson’s novel and I am profoundly impressed by how similar his thoughts are to mine. His style of writing is also pretty similar to mine, if I didn’t fear for my reputation and wrote anonymously, as I am not really anonymous writing under the name Tololy. But I have done a lot of thinking and concluded that not many kids read this blog anyway so I should go right ahead and write like I truly want to write.

Read only if you’re 18+, otherwise don’t tell your parents you’re here.

I understand the risks involved but I have decided to liberate my writing of all the properness and the fearing for people’s feelings if I used words like I use everyday like slutty and sod off and, sorry Arabic readers but I use the word teez a lot in real life and I don’t think it’s 3aib, and the like. It’s no good being machine-like, it doesn’t mesh with being alive.

Realize though that it will be considerably difficult for me to stick to this decision simply because I have been writing proper for publication in this blog for a longish time. I will always be true to what I think, only more bluntly than before, and I sincerely apologize if this change of style offends you or anyone you know. It’s more personal than political, honestly.

One day I will read my posts and watch my birth.

Maybe I can make a short movie about it.

Oh woman I think my stats will die.

What do you think?

From Washington, DC

Washington, D.C. – Here Comes Tololy!

In Explorator on August 9, 2007 at 8:04 am

I am still in the WOW phase. I am in awe of the Gods of Travel who have shown me nothing but awesomeness in this North American tour. I speak from the bottom of my bottomless heart as I solemnly pronounce this prayer:

Travel Gods, creators of all travel destinations and attractions, bringers of massive fun, I beseech you for more good weather and unexpected sightseeing. Flood me with your good graces as you have since I embarked on this journey. All hail Travel Gods. Amen.

I returned to New York two days ago and I have almost recovered from the state of intense fatigue that I caught in Canada. The trip home took me two days and I slept in a cheap motel right off the Canadian border. It was such an intense, physically demanding adventure and I loved it.

So, tomorrow today I am leaving to Washington D.C. for a bogus top secret meeting in the White House. Speaking of which, I just remembered a smart T-shirt that I didn’t buy the other day:

Here I come…

Can’t Write So I Made A Movie

In V for Video on August 8, 2007 at 3:12 pm

I won’t be writing about my trip to Canada anymore because I am being stalked by a moose that I kissed in the CN Tower. He wants his money back.

I am mooseless museless and someone has to pay for it. I decided that it will be your sense of taste, because you are about to watch yet another pointless short movie of mine.

Just you wait, Martin Scorsese…

Exploring Toronto I

In Explorator on August 4, 2007 at 11:12 am

My time in Canada has been packed with activities; be they meeting cousins for the first time, shopping like mad, learning about family politics, exploring Toronto, going sightseeing, or eating and lazying around. All in all, this week was truly spectacular and I loved it to bits. All this fun is bound to end though as I think I will be heading back to NY pretty soon.

On my first day here, I went to a flea market where I saw quite interesting collections of absolutely useless but very affordable items. Then I had ice cream and went to a real mall where I discovered that no, Canada is not cheaper than the United States. I was super bummed of course. I also went to a beautiful park in the evening…

On the second day, I went to the CN Tower which has held the record of being the tallest structure in the world for 30 straight years. Sadly though, I think I caught the very last hours of its being the tallest structure because right now in Dubai a gigantic structure is being erected and it probably, said the guide, topped the CN Tower already. The Dubai body is not even finished yet, imagine that!

While in the CN Tower, I got to take awesome pictures of Toronto and I also got to stand/play on the famous Glass Floor. This is basically a section where the floor is made of glass and you can look down and see Toronto right under your feet. It’s fun:

After the CN Tower, I went for a walk in downtown Toronto and bargained my way into buying charcoal portraits. My favorite one is a parody of The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci, featuring classical TV and movie mafiosi — from Michael Corleone to Tony Soprano — playing Jesus and the Apostles. I kid you not, this piece is priceless. I wouldn’t sell it or give it away even if someone chopped off their fingers and offered them to me. I’d say thanks, but no thanks.

That sums up my first two days in Canada. Unfortunately for those of you with ridiculously fast internet connections, I cannot upload more pictures from my Picasa to this blog at this time. Other people have complained about the loading time of Tololy’s Box and I don’t want the pictures to be reader repellent so please visit my Picasa “Canada” album for more pictures on everything I write about.

I will write more soon so stay tuned!

Prince Charming

In Explorator on August 3, 2007 at 10:49 am

On my way to Toronto, right before the Canadian border, I stopped in a rest area to grab a bite. This was on Saturday earlier this week. The minute I got off the car, I noticed something jumping in the grass and I instinctively caught it. It was a tiny frog that I now call Prince Charming:

As a child, I always caught fat frogs in our family farm in Jordan. I remember that one day, in the garden around our Karaki house, I caught a really fat frog and I think I might have squeezed him too much and he peed on me. That was hilarious!

This little fellow though was quite friendly…

Expect more posts about my Canadian trip very soon. I have time on my hands now and I can write. In the meantime, how have you been?