Comments on: Rejecting The King http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/ Grow Up Tag Free Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:17:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: asoom http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7753 asoom Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:41:03 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7753 Tololy, Could you at least have come down and offered the woman some ice cream out of your spoon? LOOOOL Unfortunately my whole life I have missed out on such entertainment, I have anti-marriage parents if there existed such a thing.  They don't even like having people over who have single sons of marriageble age in case they get ideas, and my villager dad has on occasion yelled at people who suggest something and asks "who exactly do you think your son is".  I think my dad hates guys. Seriously, awesome post! Tololy, Could you at least have come down and offered the woman some ice cream out of your spoon? LOOOOL

Unfortunately my whole life I have missed out on such entertainment, I have anti-marriage parents if there existed such a thing.  They don’t even like having people over who have single sons of marriageble age in case they get ideas, and my villager dad has on occasion yelled at people who suggest something and asks "who exactly do you think your son is".  I think my dad hates guys.

Seriously, awesome post!

]]> By: المشكلجي http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7737 المشكلجي Tue, 18 Mar 2008 02:35:15 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7737 والله أنك مشكلجيه يا تولي، هذه هوا الطريق الصحيح،يجب علي  النساء أن يرفعن صوتهنا حتي يبداء التغير ،ليس هناك حل سوا ذالك والله أنك مشكلجيه يا تولي، هذه هوا الطريق الصحيح،يجب علي  النساء أن يرفعن صوتهنا حتي يبداء التغير ،ليس هناك حل سوا ذالك

]]> By: Global Voices بالعربية » الأردن: كلا لاختيار الزوجات http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7738 Global Voices بالعربية » الأردن: كلا لاختيار الزوجات Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:43:10 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7738 [...] تولولي من الأردن تكتب تدوينة مهمة عن بعض الرجال الذين ما [...] [...] تولولي من الأردن تكتب تدوينة مهمة عن بعض الرجال الذين ما [...]

]]> By: lulu http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7739 lulu Mon, 17 Mar 2008 03:46:46 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7739 Bravo, Tololy. Take a bow, you have summed up the feelings of millions of girls over many years. Bravo, Tololy. Take a bow, you have summed up the feelings of millions of girls over many years.

]]> By: Devil's Mind http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7740 Devil's Mind Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:17:31 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7740 Look, what you did is admirable. I have looked at the situation from two perspective. The first perspective is that you have been able to make a point, and send a message about your insight on the topic. Thats the good part. The other part is personal growth. While you have been able to send a message to others, you forgot how this experience can help you grow. I assume that this is the first time this happens to you, and for a first time you did great, you must have been confused and filled with anger (as you described). Personal growth is achieved when you are able to overcome anger -the anger that prevents you from acting rationally-, and act in a mature manner. For example, you say: "Add to that, these people had already <strong>been informed</strong> that I was not interested." - Been informed?! Thats passive voice... Who informed them?! Now, your marriage is your choice... You are the final arbiter! No one should speak on your behalf about your life choices. You marriage is your own life choice... So if those people where informed by some rumor, or someone from outer space told them, it was correct for them to ignore those signs. Because no one has the authority to dismiss them but you... Not even your mother or sister! So unless they were directly informed by you that you are not interested, you have no basis to claim they were informed!! Don't you think that in a twisted way, it was actually respectful of them not to take somebody else's input on the subject, and wish to take your input directly?! [I know that not how it happened ;) ] Look, what you did is admirable. I have looked at the situation from two perspective. The first perspective is that you have been able to make a point, and send a message about your insight on the topic. Thats the good part.

The other part is personal growth. While you have been able to send a message to others, you forgot how this experience can help you grow. I assume that this is the first time this happens to you, and for a first time you did great, you must have been confused and filled with anger (as you described). Personal growth is achieved when you are able to overcome anger -the anger that prevents you from acting rationally-, and act in a mature manner.

For example, you say:
"Add to that, these people had already been informed that I was not interested." – Been informed?! Thats passive voice… Who informed them?!

Now, your marriage is your choice… You are the final arbiter! No one should speak on your behalf about your life choices. You marriage is your own life choice… So if those people where informed by some rumor, or someone from outer space told them, it was correct for them to ignore those signs. Because no one has the authority to dismiss them but you… Not even your mother or sister!

So unless they were directly informed by you that you are not interested, you have no basis to claim they were informed!! Don’t you think that in a twisted way, it was actually respectful of them not to take somebody else’s input on the subject, and wish to take your input directly?! [I know that not how it happened ;) ]

]]> By: mr.anonymous http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7741 mr.anonymous Sun, 16 Mar 2008 17:29:47 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7741 So u sticked to ur standards, and they sticked to theirs..which makes it a draw, actually I see no conflict here between u and them,its a matter of 2ismeh ou naseeb and personal preference. But I'll simply remind u that a good man,who got good brains and can satisfy ur mentality..but got a hole in his pocket..may not be the best choice when u hardly can get by every month,and can't afford to give u and ur kids the life u want for them.. ..the benz and daddy's wealth is always a win win in this situation. So u sticked to ur standards, and they sticked to theirs..which makes it a draw, actually I see no conflict here between u and them,its a matter of 2ismeh ou naseeb and personal preference.

But I’ll simply remind u that a good man,who got good brains and can satisfy ur mentality..but got a hole in his pocket..may not be the best choice when u hardly can get by every month,and can’t afford to give u and ur kids the life u want for them..

..the benz and daddy’s wealth is always a win win in this situation.

]]> By: Tololy http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7777 Tololy Sun, 16 Mar 2008 15:43:26 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7777 Devil's Mind, well I take that back. You did say "calmly" and I did not notice it. But at any rate, that would not have been taken well. Add to that, these people had already been informed that I was not interested. Quite frankly, I think meeting them and talking to them would have been an utter waste of my time, as well as a window for them to 'talk' about my family, which is something I do not tolerate. I think they got the picture, on my terms. Devil’s Mind, well I take that back. You did say "calmly" and I did not notice it. But at any rate, that would not have been taken well. Add to that, these people had already been informed that I was not interested. Quite frankly, I think meeting them and talking to them would have been an utter waste of my time, as well as a window for them to ‘talk’ about my family, which is something I do not tolerate. I think they got the picture, on my terms.

]]> By: A.Rehman http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7776 A.Rehman Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:59:37 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7776 Forgot to add that looking at the facts presented to us -( what we know)-  in the post I would say bashing them in cyperspace is not warranted. Forgot to add that looking at the facts presented to us -( what we know)-  in the post I would say bashing them in cyperspace is not warranted.

]]> By: A.Rehman http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7775 A.Rehman Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:40:06 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7775 I think Tololy handled the matter nicely, got what she want and did not have to do what would have amounted to insult face to face.She used the same measure being used on her, the king did not come so the queen need not show up too. She just avoided making a direct personal enmity. Why confront when you can get your point across in a manner others can relate to better. Her parents must have put the matter nicely and everybody can forget about it and move on. Many came for my sisters that way and when she did not want all my parents had to say is she is either young or studying and we maintained friendly relations with all those rejected. By the way my sisters got married to their choice later even though in one case through the same procedure but she did see the king who came with his group. I think Tololy handled the matter nicely, got what she want and did not have to do what would have amounted to insult face to face.She used the same measure being used on her, the king did not come so the queen need not show up too. She just avoided making a direct personal enmity. Why confront when you can get your point across in a manner others can relate to better. Her parents must have put the matter nicely and everybody can forget about it and move on. Many came for my sisters that way and when she did not want all my parents had to say is she is either young or studying and we maintained friendly relations with all those rejected. By the way my sisters got married to their choice later even though in one case through the same procedure but she did see the king who came with his group.

]]> By: Devil's Mind http://tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/comment-page-1/#comment-7774 Devil's Mind Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:09:34 +0000 http://www.tololy.com/2008/03/15/rejecting-the-king/#comment-7774 First of all I said: "But what I think should have happened, is to show up, and <strong>calmly</strong> explain that you are not interested" - Being calm is important, because as you have already realized: "Bursting in the guests’ room and yelling at the woman would not have achieved anything" So it is important that you take a grip on yourself and face a problem. The way you have explained yourself now suggests that you knew you couldn't stay calm in front of the guests, and hence decided that avoiding the confrontation altogether is easier. It seems that you mistakenly thought that you had two options, to start yelling at them, or ignore them altogether. But the more reasonable -and mature- option, is as I explained, to calmly explain yourself. You are an adult lady, and it would seem more reasonable that you handle what concerns you by yourself, instead of shifting the responsibility to your parents. This amount of maturity is not easy... I, myself, am not mature enough to handle all social situations on my own... And I understand that traditional marriage procedure is not a situation you'd go through everyday. But at least, admitting that a problem exists is part of the solution! <strong>What you did was great! </strong>But this doesn't mean that you couldn't have done better... First of all I said: "But what I think should have happened, is to show up, and calmly explain that you are not interested" – Being calm is important, because as you have already realized: "Bursting in the guests’ room and yelling at the woman would not have achieved anything"

So it is important that you take a grip on yourself and face a problem. The way you have explained yourself now suggests that you knew you couldn’t stay calm in front of the guests, and hence decided that avoiding the confrontation altogether is easier.

It seems that you mistakenly thought that you had two options, to start yelling at them, or ignore them altogether. But the more reasonable -and mature- option, is as I explained, to calmly explain yourself.

You are an adult lady, and it would seem more reasonable that you handle what concerns you by yourself, instead of shifting the responsibility to your parents. This amount of maturity is not easy… I, myself, am not mature enough to handle all social situations on my own… And I understand that traditional marriage procedure is not a situation you’d go through everyday. But at least, admitting that a problem exists is part of the solution!

What you did was great! But this doesn’t mean that you couldn’t have done better…

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