Free Floater

Ever since my return to Amman I have become a free floater. I feel like I am floating in time and space. The reason is simple: my life is about to change dramatically. I quit my job thereby ridding myself of that commitment, I started working on a project that excites me beyond words and which I believe holds a lot of potential, and I miraculously secured familial support for an important plan for my future. These three shackles lost have freed me up to a scary degree.

Someone told me yesterday that I have lost my edge. I suppose that misjudgment came about because I am generally more relaxed now, a little more focused, a little less reckless. I am a happier person, even though I am dreadfully more politically savvy and bordering on hypocritical out of necessity. These are temporal sacrifices I must make and keep my eyes on the prize.

That said, the down side for this long-coveted freedom is that I must survive on a limited budget these days. Taking concrete steps toward joining the line of career that I want for myself means starting anew, and starting anew means starting from scratch, and scratch means little or no money. It’s no help that I’ve just returned from a long vacation where I indulged myself a little too much.

Tomorrow marks the start of a new chapter in my life. I will be starting an internship program directly relevant to my studies and actively seeking new opportunities for academic and professional growth. I will work on my project in-between meetings and reports, and I will trick security to let me park my car in the “employees only” area instead of outside the premises. I will also cut my hair and change the spelling of my name in all official documents. I might even find a real job.

I’m excited but I’m wary, and I’m definitely broke.