Tololy's Box

I think it’s natural that all parents want certain things for their kids. However, you might well be surprised at how much you don’t disappoint your parents, but rather surprise them. When children are infants, we think we begin to see their character. ButterBean surprises me every day, and she’s only 6. Imagine how much more this will be the case when she is older…

For me, there could never be buyer’s regret as you so cutely put it, but there will be many moments of altered wishes. And we are, certainly, bound together for all of my life. Here’s hoping your parents also simply find it hard to express their wishes and dreams for you …

Don’t take life too seriously,
you won’t get out alive!

The great things about having good parents is that they still love you even if you change and do not become the person they wanted you to become. Same thing applies to siblings (most of the time). When it comes to friends, most of them will abandon you if become a different person or if your behavior changes.

Ahoooo 3adi i’m pretty sure my parents would’ve loved to exchange me with anyone who DOESN’T QUESTION EVERYTHING THEY’RE TOLD! bas they will accept it as a part of you and they’ll even love you for it. they can’t help it.

Even though my son is only 2 years old, I am in awe of him when he defies me. I am in awe of his strength, his independence, and his non-conformance to what I *think* I want him to be. It makes me proud. Trust me, even if they don’t express it, they are proud. You are stronger than what they bargained for, and they are probably in awe, and they probably don’t know how to explain/handle it. But they are also probably in awe.

I’m sure they love you, but I will pray they can come up with ways to show it that are a little less conditional. Perhaps they are more traditional than others, and you are more progressive than most, which gives you more than just a generational divide – maybe three!

Does it have to do with that interesting ‘ma’sha’allah’ concept, to keep pride and the evil eye away?

I told you before I will ‘adopt’ you, so girl, you just run with all those crazy ideas and only stop when it is clearly unwise or against the common sense God gave you. Khalto sez.

No parent would want her offspring to be a bowing head in a herd, not even when she says so!
As an Ammanite(is that even a word? Well you know what I mean)gothic gal who once thought she was too philosophical and all-knowing for the sheep she’s obliged to coexist with,I now am that parent who prays and wants the fruit of her womb to do so as well. Why? Because I want them to have hope and peace of mind when life strikes with its glistening swords. Why is Yoga cool and prayer not so much? They are identical, the calming wordings, that time you take out of your hectic day to breathe and relax, and the stretching movements that work out your muscles!
God is not the one who smites and burns,find your own personal God, he’s there for you whether you want him or not.

It really amazed me how the main issue of the blog and comments was parents not understanding their children… To pray or not is the critical one.

Although I consider myself to be only a kid (I only turned 20 recently) and by no means getting ready to get married soon, one of my biggest fears has always been bringing children who’s turn out not the way I want them to be. I wonder what my reaction would be if that situation was turned into reality. SOmething I’m sure of though, my love for them would never get affected.
The reason I say this is the following: even though I have grew up to make my family extremely proud, and even more than they bargained for (not meaning to sound condescending here) but I know for a fact that they don’t love my other more “disapointing” siblings less than me. On the contrary, despte the “disapointment” their love for them would never get affected.
Tololy, I am sure that at the end of the day your parents love you a lot, and are extremely happy and proud of you{you don’t seem like an average kid } And though they may not say it, be sure that they couldn’t wish for a better daughter.

First of all believe me it is 50-50 when it comes to achievements (if it’s not even more for God’s ability), please don’t be ungrateful, I mean it’s not your hard work that makes you hear or see!! What if you born without ears or eyes… will it be your poor work result?
And even smartness, it’s not the effect of hard studying or research!! If someone born retarded he will not be a genius from his hard work… he will make progress but he will not be able to change his composition! And we all knew/know some people who study a lot, work hard a lot but achieve nothing.

Second, if you really really love someone and care too much about him, you’ll definitely try to advise and amend him if you do believe he has certain faults or falsehoods (according to your point of view).
So don’t blame your parents if they want you to be in the right path as they see it.

And finally try not to always think that the entire world is challenging you!!

Have a nice day.

“I am obviously not what my parents bargained for. And I think they are going through a severe spell of buyers’ regret.” Wishing that the child would adhere to certain attitudes and behaviors is not the same thing as buyer’s regret. I speak as a parent with a high maintenance child.

Loving someone who frustrates you is often an exercise in spiritual growth. It’s immature & narcissistic to withhold love unless the other person confirms completely to expectations.

parents have an unconditional love, yet they have high expectations of their kids, have you noticed that every kid of every parents is special? this is how they see you, with their own criteria, their own standards,,, chill!

this thread is all mushee… i’m not really sure what to advise since i see you making a statement than looking for advice.
Well personally the situation is :
1) in case of attributions to god … I either let it fly by me or i make it a point to use different language than theirs to make sure that i declare a difference of opinion without articulating it (instead of inshallah for instance i use 3ala khair)
2) not being what they bargained for is fine, they do set out a path for you to follow. traditionally you are not supposed to deviate and you will go through a lot of crap for doing so. That all falls back to the fact of you making a choice, you can be true to your self, respect and love them and find a way to make it work and train them to deal and understand you (making stark statements doesn’t create progress, small gestures of the shift in thinking is what makes it)
3) know what you want out of them, and what you are willing to provide and try to align their expectations to that. most people that deviate from their path end up going to extremes either over pleasing their parents to the point were they can never be pleased or pissing them off because they cut their relationships.
at the end of the day that’s what i did, do and will keep on doing in my situation because i care about my relationship to my family even though being me would compromise it …