Tololy's Box

Hopeful

“I do not feel obliged to believe
that the same God who has endowed us
with sadness, reason and intellect
has intended us to forgo their use”

So all the stars
Will guide us on our way
The Sextant as a leader
Has duration for all days

Look at the amazing skies
In long and profund discoveries
With a strong and a clear mind he’s encrypting
More secrets of astronomy

In endless nights
He entirely observes the skies
His publications will change the world

Galileo Galilei

Only what my eyes will see, I will believe!
Day and night – seperated by the light

In Pisa he’s required
To teach the theory
That the stars and all the planets
Revolve around the earth
But he believed
In a different truth
The heliocentric one
Proposed by Kopernikus
A new age has begun

The stolen sun
Makes their fear rise
And man will sacrifice
The moon is the reason why

The amazing skies…

In endless nights..

And all the servants of the cross – they will deny
Will deny the starlight

In Pisa he’s required
To teach the theory
That the stars and all the planets
Revolve around the earth
But he believed
In a different truth
The heliocentric one
Proposed by Kopernikus
A new age has begun

Haggard – The Observer

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The monster I’ve become

- That title has little or nothing to do with what I will record now. Some thoughtful person has been messing with my privacy for a month now,and it just shocks me how severely sick some people can get. Punishment is on the way though,not to worry. And I have no intentions to heal that person's sickness. As a matter of fact I fantasize about inflecting physical pain on him. It's now my ultimate craving, a burning desire within me to hear whatever voices of pain and suffering he can produce. That would be a sight now! A mental pervert in pain... oh how I crave it!

I am becoming paranoid.. obssessed with the idea of "safety", which is really just an illusion. I am never safe, not online, not in reality, be it in the supermarket or in my bed, in the bathrrom or on the street. Never safe. Not even in the arms of a lover. This applies to you too. Be careful, be very careful. Leave no traces,no clues,and certainly no pictures or written material that can tie you down to any period of your life that you would want nobody to know about. The world is full of crazy people, and they are after ME!

I am a weirdo magnet. That said, it just seems natural that curious things happen in my life. I just tore out pages of my diary, and I intend to dispose of them. I am going nuts but if it means being a little bit safer or closer to that sweet illusion of safety that tickles my dreams then by all means, I'm your favorite fruitcake!

How many people know where you live?How many people do you think have your email address?How many people have pictures of you?How many people know your name?How many people have your number? Do you really know? Do you really know them all?

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The monster I've become

That title has little or nothing to do with what I will record now. Some thoughtful person has been messing with my privacy for a month now,and it just shocks me how severely sick some people can get. Punishment is on the way though,not to worry. And I have no intentions to heal that person’s sickness. As a matter of fact I fantasize about inflecting physical pain on him. It’s now my ultimate craving, a burning desire within me to hear whatever voices of pain and suffering he can produce. That would be a sight now! A mental pervert in pain… oh how I crave it!

I am becoming paranoid.. obssessed with the idea of “safety”, which is really just an illusion. I am never safe, not online, not in reality, be it in the supermarket or in my bed, in the bathrrom or on the street. Never safe. Not even in the arms of a lover. This applies to you too. Be careful, be very careful. Leave no traces,no clues,and certainly no pictures or written material that can tie you down to any period of your life that you would want nobody to know about. The world is full of crazy people, and they are after ME!

I am a weirdo magnet. That said, it just seems natural that curious things happen in my life. I just tore out pages of my diary, and I intend to dispose of them. I am going nuts but if it means being a little bit safer or closer to that sweet illusion of safety that tickles my dreams then by all means, I’m your favorite fruitcake!

How many people know where you live?How many people do you think have your email address?How many people have pictures of you?How many people know your name?How many people have your number? Do you really know? Do you really know them all?

find your rhythm

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super jammed

- I know you're probably waiting for some news about baby owl so I will not make you wait any longer. The thing is, I read about owls as pets and turns out that the two words just don't go together. Owls do not make good pets and don't want to, they violently oppose domestication and one should never try to keep them as pets. It's just not right. I also read that no matter how nice you are to owls and no matter how long you keep them they will always want to get away and will never become friendly. They dislike us as babies and when they're older they dislike us even more. Actually baby owl always hisses at me and spreads her wings and clicks her beak... that's a fact. Another interesting thing that I read is that if one finds an injured owl (much like baby owl) then it's suffering from a shock and will not defend itself, which is exactly what happened when I got baby owl. She was very passive and I even had to shove bits of meat down her throat to feed her, at the time I thought I was being Mama Bird and I liked it. The next day she sort of sobered up and started biting the meat bits off the toothpick in a very aggressive manner. I liked that too but by comparison it proved to me that she was traumatized at first.

So that same night after the reading that I did,baby owl again proved the things I read to be correct. She kept banging herself against the bars of the cage (it's a big cage) until she bled. Her blood spattered all over the place, it was a mess to wake up to in the morning. I decided to let her go,afterall that's what's recommended. I put the cage outside with the door open so as to let her fly away when she feels like it. She disappeared for 5 hours but returned by midday. Needless to say, I still feed her and take care of her wound...I really want her to stay but I have to let nature take its course.

Life has been absolutely crazy lately. I am so jammed and I don't even know where to begin sorting things out! I got a visa yesterday and I will be leaving to the states on Monday...if all goes well. It just happened so fast and I am so stressed out... I've been having this terrible headache these past couple of days and it just blocks everything in..I can't even think straight. I still have an exam to go and I haven't started studying for it yet, it's tomorrow. God! tomorrow is such a crammed day!!!

Oh and I liked being called ma'am. It's so cute. I'm off now.

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I should’ve been a vet

- 3 finals gone & 3 still to go. I love the way I feel these days, I'm just numb and it is such an elevating feeling! Today I went with my family to our house in Karak. On our way there I saw strange things. To start with; there was a really shaggy village with mud houses right next to the desert road... it looked so dead and so forgotten. But as I wondered how these people lived there and how it must be like, I saw a white kite flying up in the sky above the mud houses and it made me so happy. I kept staring at the kite until it vanished.

30 minutes later, I was looking at some houses and I suddenly saw a white rabbit going right into the main entrance of one of the villas. At fist glance I thought I was imagining things but I looked real hard and it was a rabbit!!! It somehow reminded me of the rabbit and the magician in Sophie's World... that part got me thinking.
Then my brothers invented a silly gig to entertain themselves. Everytime we pass a car by one of them would say "Excuse us" and they would start laughing. I still don't get it... I think it's the sun and the heat, it messed with their heads.

Then the road ended.
I had a great time. Tsuki-san was there too and he enjoyed it alot. Well then the "men" of the family decided to go hunting while I was napping. They returned with a wounded baby owl. My brother had shot her not knowing it was an owl so they brought her to me. It was only natural for me to want to fix her and keep her, so I took her home with me. We hit the road again: a 1984 Honda crowded with creatures. 4 grownups, 1 baby, 1 kitten,1 baby owl. It was extremely surreal and I couldn't help but laugh. Who would've believed that?

So I got back home and the first thing I did was see what's wrong with baby owl. When I took a close look to clean the wound I just cried I always cry when I see hurt creatures because I imagine the amount of pain they must be suffering from, having cried and all I cleaned her wound and did the necessary and wrapped it with a bandage etc. I had previously feared the bullet rested inside since there was no exit wound. But to my great delight I discovered there was no bullet inside the wound simply because she wasn't that badly hurt. Apparently she was flying and spreading her wings when my brother shot her,this explains the wound being located UNDER the wing and the wing not being affected at all. Adding to that, the bullet didn't actually penetrate her body it just shattered surface flesh and flew on. I thought I saw her bones showing through the wound,but later I found out it was just lightly colored and de-feathered skin. I felt so good.

This made me think... that maybe I do fit in heaven afterall.

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I should've been a vet

3 finals gone & 3 still to go. I love the way I feel these days, I’m just numb and it is such an elevating feeling! Today I went with my family to our house in Karak. On our way there I saw strange things. To start with; there was a really shaggy village with mud houses right next to the desert road… it looked so dead and so forgotten. But as I wondered how these people lived there and how it must be like, I saw a white kite flying up in the sky above the mud houses and it made me so happy. I kept staring at the kite until it vanished.

30 minutes later, I was looking at some houses and I suddenly saw a white rabbit going right into the main entrance of one of the villas. At fist glance I thought I was imagining things but I looked real hard and it was a rabbit!!! It somehow reminded me of the rabbit and the magician in Sophie’s World… that part got me thinking.
Then my brothers invented a silly gig to entertain themselves. Everytime we pass a car by one of them would say “Excuse us” and they would start laughing. I still don’t get it… I think it’s the sun and the heat, it messed with their heads.

Then the road ended.
I had a great time. Tsuki-san was there too and he enjoyed it alot. Well then the “men” of the family decided to go hunting while I was napping. They returned with a wounded baby owl. My brother had shot her not knowing it was an owl so they brought her to me. It was only natural for me to want to fix her and keep her, so I took her home with me. We hit the road again: a 1984 Honda crowded with creatures. 4 grownups, 1 baby, 1 kitten,1 baby owl. It was extremely surreal and I couldn’t help but laugh. Who would’ve believed that?

So I got back home and the first thing I did was see what’s wrong with baby owl. When I took a close look to clean the wound I just cried I always cry when I see hurt creatures because I imagine the amount of pain they must be suffering from, having cried and all I cleaned her wound and did the necessary and wrapped it with a bandage etc. I had previously feared the bullet rested inside since there was no exit wound. But to my great delight I discovered there was no bullet inside the wound simply because she wasn’t that badly hurt. Apparently she was flying and spreading her wings when my brother shot her,this explains the wound being located UNDER the wing and the wing not being affected at all. Adding to that, the bullet didn’t actually penetrate her body it just shattered surface flesh and flew on. I thought I saw her bones showing through the wound,but later I found out it was just lightly colored and de-feathered skin. I felt so good.

This made me think… that maybe I do fit in heaven afterall.

In my mind, I am an orange

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