I am currently reading Nawaal el Saadawi’s biography أوراقي …حياتي, and I can’t seem to get over the similarities between us. I could be imagining things of course because I respect her thought a lot, but it is undeniable that there are several aspects that link my history to hers. I think many of these aspects are shared by almost, if not all, Arab women.

The way Saadawi tells her life story is simple and almost child-like. Her language is clear and reminds me of my late aunt recounting family history, now using common English words كعب روكي and now slang for effect جوزي. The chronology of Saadawi’s tale is logical in the first volume, then it seems she took a break before continuing and so there is a mild break at the beginning of the second volume, but nothing confusing. I am done with the second volume and still have the third to go through, but so far I can safely say I have never in my life connected to an author as I connect to Saadawi. Her voice is powerful throughout the biography, too powerful to ignore.

She thinks my thoughts, she feels what I feel, but she is far more courageous than I have been up until now. She was prompted to write her biography after leaving Egypt to the United States in order to defy time and to defy death. She did not want her life to be forgotten or deformed by the same people who pushed her to leave Egypt out of fear for her life; Islamic scholars and Sheikhs threatened by her ideas about gender and religion شيوخ العصور الوسطى, and government officials equally threatened by her ideas about justice and integrity حكومة اللصوص. These two categories of people combined with the ignorant public الغوغاء who saw her mere presence a danger to their non-existent social cohesion wanted her to die, so she left to stay alive.

Far from idolizing her, this woman is a solid role model to every Arab girl out there. She’s educated, she’s strong, she’s unafraid to voice her opinions, and she thinks for herself. What more do we want our girls to turn out to be? Forget the people who call her a tramp منحلة أخلاقياً without knowing anything about her life and contributions to political and social life in Egypt, forget the people who call for Allah’s help against the devilأعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم when they hear her name because she is a woman, forget all the hatred directed towards her because she personifies what Arab people fear: an intelligent, strong woman who gets some air time to “corrupt” their girls’ minds امرأة .فاسدة تدعو إلى الانحلال What every person must do is learn for themselves and form their own opinions, and I learned this the hard way. It pains me to admit I was prejudiced without even realizing it at the time.

As I said before, Saadawi’s biography resonates with me to a great degree. I recommend it to anyone interested in learning more about the life of Egyptian women and Arab women in general, and about Saadawi herself. I have a lot of respect for that woman now, and I am sure you will too after you learn about her life.

Poor Egyptian families definitely see marrying their young daughters off to wealthy Gulf men as a win-win scenario; the girls are supposedly provided with a chance to escape poverty, and their families get financial aid and remain with one less mouth to feed after the marriage. In today’s news:

The Egyptian authorities have banned a 92-year-old man from marrying a 17-year-old girl, the Egyptian al-Akhbar newspaper has reported.

The ministry of justice invoked a law which says the age gap between spouses should not exceed 25 years.

Egypt brought in the law prohibiting the marriage of elderly men to very young girls during the Gulf oil boom.

It was an effort to prevent wealthy men from the Gulf states seeking young poor brides from the Egyptian countryside.

Not much is known about the 92-year-old man who tried to marry an Egyptian girl of 17 except that he is an Arab from the Gulf.

This is not exclusive to Egypt, of course. Young women all around the Arab world and in other countries as well are usually traded off like sacks of wheat in such transactions, particularly if they come from poor families. This is not to say that well-to-do families don’t practise similar trade, but they do it with more pomp: the dowry in proportion to the girl’s education or her father’s social standing, the extravagant wedding to signal status, the expensive gifts, and all the other ornateness a marriage entails. It all boils down to the same thing in the end: a commercial transaction similar to any other.

It’s a good thing that Egyptian authorities banned that 92-year old man’s marriage to that girl. Sadly though, this is one case in many, many others that don’t get reported and are not banned. The Egyptian law also has a loophole regarding this, and for all we know that 92-year old man can use it and marry the girl after all:

However, in special cases, the justice ministry does allow foreign men to marry Egyptian women more than 25 years their junior if they deposit a very large sum of money in the name of their wife at the Egyptian National Bank.

Needless to say, the objectification of women is thus made legal by the very law that intends to limit it. That’s like saying: Hey! If you have THAT much money (about $80,000) and you put it in an Egyptian bank and let us work it for you, then OK, you can have that girl. She’s probably worth a lot less, but it seems you really like them young and fresh and poor, you rich pedophile you! Go on now, take your young virgin bride to your high-walled mansion and do what you please to her. Who cares if you’re perverted? Her family can’t afford to care, and her country has been paid to keep mum. She’s all yours.

In a continuation of the ancient practice of wa’d (a practice of pagan Arabs before Islam whereby they buried living newborn female babies in the desert to avoid future scandals stemming from these females’ dishonoring them when they’re adults), honor crimes still occur today in Jordan, Palestine, Syria, and Iraq. The practice is thus still alive and well, because the aim of killing a female in both wa’d and honor crimes is to preserve family honor. A loose concept with burdens carried by women and privileges enjoyed by men.

For Abdel-Qader Ali there is only one regret: that he did not kill his daughter at birth. ‘If I had realised then what she would become, I would have killed her the instant her mother delivered her,’ he said with no trace of remorse.

Two weeks after The Observer revealed the shocking story of Rand Abdel-Qader, 17, murdered because of her infatuation with a British soldier in Basra, southern Iraq, her father is defiant. Sitting in the front garden of his well-kept home in the city’s Al-Fursi district, he remains a free man, despite having stamped on, suffocated and then stabbed his student daughter to death.

Abdel-Qader, 46, a government employee, was initially arrested but released after two hours. Astonishingly, he said, police congratulated him on what he had done. ‘They are men and know what honour is,’ he said.

‘Death was the least she deserved,’ said Abdel-Qader. ‘I don’t regret it. I had the support of all my friends who are fathers, like me, and know what she did was unacceptable to any Muslim that honours his religion,’ he said.

He said his daughter’s ‘bad genes were passed on from her mother’. Rand’s mother, 41, remains in hiding after divorcing her husband in the immediate aftermath of the killing, living in fear of retribution from his family. She also still bears the scars of the severe beating he inflicted on her, breaking her arm in the process, when she told him she was going. ‘They cannot accept me leaving him. When I first left I went to a cousin’s home, but every day they were delivering notes to my door saying I was a prostitute and deserved the same death as Rand,’ she said.

‘She was killed by animals. Every night when go to bed I remember the face of Rand calling for help while her father and brothers ended her life,’ she said, tears streaming down her face.

- The Guardian:Read the full story here

Bad genes always seem to come from the mother’s side in this part of the world. A mother or a sister is automatically a partner in crime when a female family member is a suspect, she receives similar punishment and is condemned without question. Yet it is the men who rape and kill, the men who think they’re entitled not only to a woman’s body but also to her soul, the men who deny the right of life or grant the privilege of servitude in the name of tradition or religion. Doesn’t that make you wonder who really has the bad genes? By Allah!

Rania Kudsi started blogging recently. I read her blog when I get the chance because she often writes about women in Jordan and in the Arab region and makes a lot of sense. Today, she wrote the following:

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven’t, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements;

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name;

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen;

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn’t want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won’t like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won’t, simply
Because you won’t like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house – your unstilted support, your sensitivities and most importantly – your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this……

Please appreciate “HER”

Amen, Rania. Read Rania Kudsi’s blog, it’s that good.

I have come to the conclusion that what Arab men term as “honor” is a polite word for the Arabically-explicit word vagina. I will explain.

When an 18-year-old murders his sister because he believes she has brought shame to the family’s name, he does so because he either knows or suspects that she has engaged in socially unacceptable behavior with a man (who is not her husband, if she is married). That behavior on the woman’s part ranges from talking to this man to fornicating with him.

Since one part of the equation is a man, let us examine that part. When a man talks to, or fornicates with, or takes any other action towards a woman he is more often than not spared any social consequences that result from his actions. This means that the “man” part of the deal does not fall within the scope of this argument.

Now let us look at the other part of the equation for the purpose of this argument. The other part is a woman, an anatomically different human being who is almost always the honor-defaming culprit in any scandal. The woman’s private parts play a vital role in condemning her because they are, in the traditional male chauvinist view, the forbidden yet deeply desired apple.

To illustrate this, think of the worst possible curse words out there in Arabic and in English. About 99% of them involve someone’s mother, someone’s sister, and their genitalia. They might also include explicit references to sexual acts done to these private parts. In Arabic, these curse words are intended to verbally harm the opposite person’s “honor,” a sacred concept referring simply to a woman’s vagina.

Within this context, when someone commits an “honor killing” to wash away the family’s shame, all they are doing is killing the target woman’s vagina who may or may not have engaged in sexual acts deemed socially taboo. By the same token, when a man swears by his “sister’s honor,” he is swearing by her vagina. Fascinating, isn’t it?

The final point I want to make is this: men do not really have honor to swear by or to protect. Anatomically speaking, it is the women that live with these men that do have honor and sometimes pay a dear price for having it. So the next time a man swears by his mother’s honor and thinks he’s macho cursing another man’s sister’s honor, ask him if he likes it shaved, waxed, or a la natural.